We're Probably Not Going To Be This Ambient All Evening: Transmission 403, 2018 April 18

As I say during the broadcast, I was having a hard time deciding whether I wanted to play ambient music or disco. So I played both. I have trouble with decisiveness, with finality.

To force a segue here, I am confident that someone like Morrissey would have hated this program, and that doesn't bother me in the slightest. This was the night after the day we Found Out (I guess?) about Morrissey through that horrible softball interview on his own website. Finally freed from wilful misinterpretation and journalistic malfeasance, he reveals that he...is Douglas Pearce, basically? Truly uncanny. Being an aesthete, I used to think Death in June was ripping off the Smiths' visuals; I didn't realize it was an exchange.

Hero worship will enable and force you to do some mental gymnastics, and to cling to mere possibilities. Saying that reggae is vile might have been a reference to its patriarchy and homophobia. It's possible that the chorus of "Panic" wasn't about lynching black people. There's a chance that "We'll Let You Know" and "National Front Disco" are not endorsements. [In my defense, this is more of a probability. But there I go. Or do I? I can't tell anymore.] And so on. But that's my problem all along. Post-1976 we are not supposed to have heroes, I guess, but I do. I've never "gotten it."

I could write a paragraph about when I got "woke," because part of me had to know, but who cares? I've been wrong.

Was he ever anything but "devious, truculent, and unreliable?" I would like to think that the person who wrote "Well I Wonder" and "I Know It's Over" was a great chronicler of loneliness. Even fascists get lonely! It didn't occur to me at the time that perhaps he was lonely because he'd preemptively ruled out the possibility of companionship with most of humanity. I'm still struggling with this reckoning. Those Smiths songs must have been the work of a different person. Right?! Sigh.

I would have been better off seeing Morrissey from the start as many of my friends did, as a Ridiculous Person. [And I did, sort of, but I just loved him anyway.] Or just being on Team Robert Smith, though I never quite understood that beef. But things didn't happen that way. As I've written elsewhere, the Smiths came along when I needed something to come along.

What to do now? I wonder if, after a few more similar interviews, Smiths records will become like Death in June records, a kind of eBay contraband. [I'm thinking also of Spotify's new policies regarding hateful speech and hateful behavior.] Probably not, I guess. But they are a kind of emotional contraband. Will I jettison mine? I told you I have trouble with decisiveness and finality.

BOMBAST playlist, 2018 April 18, 2100-2300:

1. "White Worms Intro" | Weirdest Dream | White Worms | Dopeness Galore
2. "Stray" | Degree Absolute | Lovelife, A Homage To Lush | The Blog That Celebrates Itself
3. "Drums Please" | Saine | For The Dreamers | Omena
4. "Black I.C.E." | The Sprawl | EP 2 | The Death of Rave
5. "Poison Fang" | Vast Asteroid | Fuzzy Feelings Collection | The Blog That Celebrates Itself
6. "ONE" | Meat Beat Manifesto | Impossible Star | Flexidisc
7. "Flying" | Superpitcher | The Golden Ravedays 9 | Hippie Dance
8. "Bacchus Theme" | Mirt/Ter | Bacchus Where Are You? | Monotype
9. "Shame" | Mikkel Metal | Pop Ambient 2018 | Kompakt
10. "Disco Connection" | Bindiga | Duomo Sounds LTD (Nigerian 80s Disco Music to Move Your Soul) | Odion
11. "2.4" | Nicklas Sorensen | Solo 2 | El Paraiso
12. "Evidence" | Metro Area | Metro Area (15th Anniversary Edition) | Environ
13. "Hurray For The People" | Pete International Airport | Safer With The Wolves... | A Recordings
14. "Racist Cops On A Jog" | Sam de la Rosa | Earth Wart | Mannequin
15. "When Mama Was Moth" | Cocteau Twins | Head Over Heels [reissue] | 4AD
16. "NorthernLi" | Trinidadian Deep | Organic Frequencies | D3 Elements
17. "All Is Not Lost" | Hodge | Beneath Two Moons | Berceuse Heroique
18. "Improvisation #2 Part 2" | Ulrich Schnauss | Improvisation #2 | Scripted Realities

notebooks out plagiarists

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